The Mummy freakshow
by bastet's priestess
Summary: The Mummy characters do a little freakshow and invite you in! (Rating just to be sure)


The Mummy- freak show  
  
***Disclaimer: I do not own the Mummy or any of its characters. They belong to Stephen Sommers and Universal Pictures.***  
  
Author's note: This story is some kind of cross-over of The Mummy and an old video game of mine called The Secret Of Evermore. Hope you enjoy it!  
  
*****************  
  
(Beni appears on stage. He's wearing some medieval knee-length trousers and looks like a showman, that he actually is. Behind him we see many down- hanging, purple curtains)  
  
Beni: Ladies and Gentlemen, boys and girls: Welcome to the hottest freak show in town. Be prepared to see the most disgusting things you've ever seen in your life. We've got the world's finest freaks here. So now to our first attraction!  
  
(He moves to the first curtain and seizes its cord)  
  
Beni: You're about to witness an anatomical impossibility. Our first attraction never had any problems with rheumatism, arthritis or any physical complaints. In fact he doesn't feel anything below his neck, because that's where his body ends! Ladies and Gentleman, please welcome Rick, the man who's only a head!!!  
  
(Beni pulls the cord, the curtain parts. Rick appears. We can only see his head, but there's a suspiciously large box under his head.)  
  
Audience: What? You're kidding us! His body is inside the box! We want our money back!!! (They stand up, and start closing in on Beni)  
  
Beni (frightened): Wait! We've got more attractions for you to see! You'd be terribly sorry to miss our next freak!  
  
Audience (sitting down again) OK, but you'll be sorry, if the next one is no real freak!  
  
Beni (relaxing a bit) Of course it is! It's a very fine specimen! You'll see!  
  
(He moves on to the next curtain; he clears his throat and takes a deep breath)  
  
Beni: You will now see the most astonishing creatures, you've ever seen. Do you think a person could live without his arms? Sure he can. Could he live without his legs? No problem. But can a person live without a BRAIN? Well, these creatures can! Ladies and Gentlemen, be ready to meet Burns, Daniels and Henderson, the men without brain!!!  
  
(The curtain parts: the three Americans appear; Henderson chews tobacco, spits and hits his cowboy-jeans)  
  
Henderson (looking like the Marlboro-Man, waving): Howdy partners!  
  
Audience: Oh God, they've really got no brains. That's scary!  
  
(they applaud)  
  
Beni (cheerfully): We will be back after a short break. There are many freaky things waiting for you, so don't go away now!  
  
************  
  
(The backstage area. The "freaks" all look very normal now: Rick got his body back, the Americans are discussing Shakespeare novels in the corner. Beni is nervously pacing up and down the room, smoking a cigarette)  
  
Rick: What's wrong with you Beni? It worked fine so far, didn't it?  
  
Beni: Yes, but the audience is quite demanding this time. We'll have to change some of the performances quickly. Anck, you can't perform the paint-on clothes trick tonight. They just won't buy it.  
  
Anck: But Beni, you promised it!  
  
Beni: I did?  
  
Anck: Yes! Don't you remember that night in your trailer!? We had a deal!  
  
Imhotep (looking extremely furious): What did you two do that night!?  
  
Beni: Err. . . We discussed . . . things.  
  
Imhotep: What kind of THINGS?  
  
Beni: Err. . . She.. She promised me to look after my goldfish when I'm on vacation!  
  
Imhotep: Oh. . . I see.  
  
Beni (to himself): I should have used him for "The-man-without-brain"- performance. (aloud) Evy? Evy, where are you?  
  
Evy (looking over the large pile of books, she was sitting behind of): I'm here!  
  
Beni: I need to talk to you about your part. I don't think we can do your bright-British-lady-thing. We need something special tonight. Have you got any other talents?  
  
Evy (bows her head, blushing): I. . .No. I don't have any other talents. (She sobs)  
  
Beni (rolling his eyes; to himself): Oh God, I'm surrounded by complete amateurs! (aloud) Stop crying Evy, it's not your fault. We'll just skip your part, OK?  
  
Evelyn (reaching for a bottle of gin): OK. . .  
  
Beni: Does anybody have an idea how we can satisfy these people out there?  
  
Anck: Oh, I know how to satis. . .  
  
Beni (interrupting her): THAT's not what I mean, Anck.  
  
Anck: Oh. . . sorry!  
  
Beni: So, any ideas?  
  
(Imhotep goes over to Beni; he whispers something in his ear and smiles evilly at Mr. Burns)  
  
Beni (chuckling): Oh yes! That's great! OK, now we have one great. . .  
  
(Evelyn starts singing dirty songs in the background, absolutely drunk. Then she climbs a table and starts dancing)  
  
Beni: Did I say ONE? I mean TWO great new performances! Everybody back on their positions!  
  
*************  
  
(Back on stage, Beni puts on one of his cheesiest smiles and turns to the audience)  
  
Beni: Welcome back my dear friends! Are you ready for the second part of our show? Yes? Well, then let's go on now. When you think of British women, what do you think of? Bookworms? Tea- drinking women having hen-parties? Well, we have the example that proves all this wrong! (He moves to the third curtain and seizes the cord) Welcome Evy, the drunken British lady!  
  
(Beni draws the cord, the curtain parts and Evy appears, drunk as hell, dancing in her slip and still singing some very naughty songs)  
  
Audience: Now, that's freaky! We've never seen anything like this before! (they applaud)  
  
Beni: Next we have a double performance: Imhotep and Anck-Su-Namun will do some pretty gory things right now, so children should look away.  
  
(All children turn around, mumbling with discontent; Beni moves to the next curtain's cord)  
  
Beni: So here are Imhotep and Anck-Su-Namun! Applause!  
  
(He pulls the cord; Imhotep and Anck-Su-Namun appear. Anck is carrying a long, sharp dagger, Imhotep is carrying the book of the dead; there's a disgusting-looking pond beside them)  
  
(Stage gets darker, dramatic music is heard)  
  
(spotlight is on Anck; she raises the dagger. . . And stabs herself!)  
  
Audience (hysterically): Oh my God!!! Nooo! (they start screaming)  
  
(spotlight is on Imhotep; he opens the book of the dead and starts reading)  
  
(spotlight on the pond, that starts stirring; suddenly the pond overflows; a dark, ghostly figure moves towards the dead body of Anck-Su-Namun)  
  
(Imhotep finishes the inscription)  
  
Imhotep: Ya tu hai! Ya tu hai! Ya tu hai!  
  
(Anck opens her eyes, screaming, as her lungs fill with air again)  
  
(Imhotep helps her to stand up)  
  
(The dramatic music comes to an end; both Imhotep and Anck-Su-Namun take a bow)  
  
(The audience applauds, hesitantly; Imhotep glares at them; the applause is suddenly much louder than before. . .)  
  
Beni: Wow, what a great show! Thank you very much Anck and Imhotep! (Anck leaves) And now to our brand new performance! Do you think nothing can scare you? Think you've seen everything already? Then let me present you the most revolting show in the world: Imhotep and Mr. Burns on stage, please!  
  
(Mr. Burns comes on stage; he doesn't wear his glasses and is as blind as a mole; behind him, Imhotep approaches)  
  
(Mr. Burns turns around quickly when he feels Imhotep coming closer, but it's too late: Imhotep has already opened his mouth to "assimilate his organs and fluids")  
  
(The audience gasp; they know what is going to happen - or at least they think so)  
  
Mr. Burns: Oh no, not again! (he closes his eyes, waiting for death to come)  
  
Imhotep (poking Burns with one finger): It's your turn! Catch me! Catch me! (runs away)  
  
Mr. Burns (opens his eyes, confused): What. . . the. . . hell? (spots Beni, Rick, Evy, Anck and Imhotep laughing at him in the background) Oh! You bastards!!!  
  
(curtain closes)  
  
(Audience laughs and applauds)  
  
(Beni appears on stage)  
  
Beni: OK, that's the end of our show! I hope you enjoyed yourselves as much as we did. If you did, then please show it with one last applause for the performers! Rick!  
  
(Rick enters the stage)  
  
Person sitting in the audience, No.1: Who is he again?  
  
Person sitting in the audience, No.2: I don't know. But let's applaud anyway. (they applaud)  
  
Beni: The Americans!  
  
(Americans enter the stage)  
  
American sitting in the audience: Hooray! Ya rock, fellas!  
  
(The audience is still applauding)  
  
Beni: Evy!  
  
(Evy stumbles on stage, holding a bottle of liquor)  
  
Person sitting in the audience, No.3: Whaaah, that girl gives me the shivers!  
  
(The audience is still applauding)  
  
Beni: Anck-Su-Namun!  
  
(Anck enters stage, smiling broadly)  
  
Guys in the audience: Wow baby! Can we have your phone number?  
  
Anck: Just look at my ankle! (she winks)  
  
(She has a tattoo on her ankle saying: "If you want a date, call 0175- 38902541"  
  
Guys in the audience (noting down the number): Thanks, baby!  
  
(The audience is . . .)  
  
Beni: And finally: Imhotep!  
  
(Imhoteps steps on the stage)  
  
Stupid guy sitting in the audience (AKA Winston Havlock): Hihi, he's so funny! He should be a clown!!!  
  
Beni: Goodnight folks! See you next time, with brand new attractions!  
  
(Audience leaves)  
  
Anck: That was such a great show tonight!  
  
Beni: Sure it was!  
  
Anck: Beni?  
  
Beni: What?  
  
Anck: Can I have a one-girl-show next time?  
  
Beni: Why don't we "discuss" that in my trailer?  
  
(They both go away with the other members of the cast, laughing)  
  
*****************  
  
(The lights go out, the room is empty. . . well, almost. . .)  
  
Stupid child still sitting there with his hands on his eyes: Mum? Is the nasty scene over now?  
  
(He takes his hands off his eyes)  
  
Stupid child still sitting there without his hands on his eyes: Mum? Hello? Mummy!!!!  
  
~ the end ~ 


End file.
